From Stress to Success

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change – Wayne Dyer

I want to start by telling you a story of someone I know that has had to deal with stress in their life since the age of 2 years old.

 From that age they have dealt with being separated from their birth mother, been bullied at school because of being different to the other kids, been physically, mentally and emotionally abused by their partners, moved home 25 times, been accused and a victim of fraud, been made redundant and went through a constructive dismissal, left a marriage of 15 years to be labelled the one in the wrong – to ending up being laid in bed diagnosed with PTSD. (known as complex post traumatic stress disorder) They laid in bed for what seemed like an eternity, when they suddenly had a realisation. If they decided to lay there and wear the victim t-shirt, this stress will eventually kill them. It was the biggest wake up call they had ever experienced They decided they needed to take control of their life. The PTSD had taken a massive toll on their mental, physical and emotional state of being, so the first step was to rest and rejuvenate, and this doesn’t happen overnight. And it is very challenging when your normal personality is to be active and get things done. They started to journal, to write down how they felt during each day. Any thoughts, feelings, words or images that came to mind They also looked at what they were grateful for in their life, looking at all different aspects of their life, and they did this everyday and still do now They decided they wanted to revisit their younger days, so took a trip down memory lane and revisited all the times in their life when things went well and not so well. One of the biggest reasons that they started to turn their life around was they saw that life had a pattern, and that all of what they had experienced throughout their life didn’t happen to them, it had happened for them. They then went onto develop the thriver mindset. Now don’t get me wrong, it still doesn’t condone all that happened, these things are still not right, but it prepared them for their life ahead So with this information and mindset they were now in control and ready to be the creator of their own story for the rest of their life. See the thing is, a crisis, an event or a situation or circumstance, can either destroy you or recreate you, and they knew which one they preferred to choose. They had switched their mindset to thrive, to flourish and to achieve flow in their life, and looked at what was the meaning or intention for their life. Do you know yours? They realised they had achieved a massive breakthrough from this crisis by using the wisdom of the past So realising that they had achieved, and overcome so much adversity in life so far, it was just time for their body and mind to take a well deserved rest, to push pause, to stop and push reset, see out of rest comes appropriate action. Do you know when to rest? Knowing that this was going to be a huge turning point in their life, they knew they needed a plan, a vision and some goals. But first they needed to understand their identity – Who were they and more importantly who were they not? What do they love to do? What is important to them? What’s the meaning of life? What’s the bigger goal? How would you answer these questions? So by raising their own self awareness and understanding, they discovered the reasons as to why – The stop button had shown up in their life They were living someone else’s life, they were travelling down the wrong path and with the wrong people. A big lesson here is the people you spend the most time with influence your life, so make sure you surround yourself with the right ones Who’s life are you living? So once they had their identity (the real version) and removed themselves from the wrong people in their life they set their strategy for life They knew their purpose and meaning, and therefore they set their intention, attention and focus of direction See the thing is, what you pay attention to, creates the feelings or emotions, which then drives our action and therefore delivers a result So if they now chose to focus on pain, grief, issues, challenges or failure. It would drive that emotion/feeling and action, you would start to question or doubt yourself, causing stress, fear, anger, sadness or hurt, or even stop you in your tracks They chose to focus their attention on success, they chose to focus on what they already have in life and not what’s missing A bit like when going through change and so many people focus on what they will lose not what will stay the same or be gained For over 20 years they had delivered training on change and stress management. They had helped thousands of people overcome these times, and yet the things we teach others, we don’t always use ourselves, and this in itself was so important. Sometimes all that we help others with, one day we need ourselves After a few months of working on themselves, they knew they were ready to serve the rest of the world with these powerful life lessons we are not taught in school, and BOOM their business was born. They were back in control of their life, they focused on success and they chose to focus on what was within their control. They knew that they could not control the external events of life, only how they choose to react to it They fully understood that the events of the past couldn’t be changed but have prepared them for their present and future. They also chose to live in the present to create their future day by day When COVID hit us in March 2020, even though their business was only 6 months old, they didn’t see a crisis, they saw an opportunity They also knew as part of the recovery that they couldn’t do it alone, as they didn’t have all the skills and expertise to do it. So they reached out for help and support to transform the business They continue to learn, to develop and grow from all the lessons of adversity and stress that they didn’t even know they had. They built their resilience, so that whenever things knocked them down, they got back up stronger and wiser Statistics say around 75-90% of doctor visits are in some way related to stress, 51% of adults suffering from chronic stress experience symptoms of fatigue, headaches, tension in muscles and it costs the healthcare and social security over £20 billion pounds But the most important statistics of all is death. Stress is related to cancer, heart disease, lung ailments, liver problems, accidents and suicide. These are the 6 leading causes of death. But as proven by science and research and as described in Kelly McGonigal’s book “The upside of stress” we can change our mindset and use stress to improve our lives and performance This kind of mindset is a catalyst, not a cure. Stress when managed gives us the energy, the excitement, the blood rush and the get up and go So how do you move from Stress to Success? Change the lens you view the world throughControl what’s within your controlKnow your purpose and meaningSet your intentions and pay attentionGain some perspective and set realistic expectationsTry something new and embrace itHave dreams and big goals tooRecognise and celebrate all of your winsListen to how you speak to yourself every dayDo the basics like eat healthy food, drink water and exerciseStay connected to people – the right peopleBe grateful and show gratitudeBut one of the most important and life changing things that will make you a success is to learn to quieten the mind and a get a great coach (wink, wink) They used meditation and mindfulness, something they first considered to be woo woo. But this literally saved their life and they now teach this within their business too So if you were to look at all of your life adversities through this new lens – what would the key message or learning be? and what will be your first step in saving your life and being a success? They decided to look back on the successes they have had since they decided to take back control of their life in January 2018, and it is incredible what they have accomplished. This is just some of the things.  They eradicated a fear of heights that had from age 3 and did a 15,000ft sky diveThey set up their own successful coaching and training consultancyThey became a TEDX speaker this year with this initial goal set for 2025They are a finalist in an award for public speaking with SWIB (successful women in business)They have been on live radio interviews, podcasts, a panelist and interviewed on live showsThey launched the Ask the Expert series with famous guests from all over the worldThey have gained the following qualifications to add more offers to their clients journey with them – Master Coach, Transformational hypnosis and regression therapy, Mindfulness coach and Meditation practitioner, Neuroscience Professional Development Diploma to name a fewThey bought their own house and carThey found the love of their life and proposed to them, their partner said a big YES!And one of next biggest things they have been working towards ( A dream from a long time ago) CAME TRUE ONLY TODAY. “Dreams remain dreams until you take action”    Becoming the owner of a beautiful new property in France, that will be a holiday home initially with plans to upgrade the additional building and land to become a retreat  Now you may have wondered who this story was all about, this person is ME! It is time to create the story you want to tell and become what you choose to think about! “When you change the way you look at things, things you look at will change” – Wayne Dyer My mission in life is to help people achieve their dreams through taking action. Things really don’t happen when you just think about them “When the student is ready, the teacher will arrive” – Buddha Are you ready to take that first step with me? Its the bravest step but a life changing one too…